🔥 GOAT TRASH 🔥

This is the 4chan of twitter.

WaterMalone

Santa has a tiny weiner

I just farted. And shit came out.

Is it Goat Trash or Goatt Rash?

Apparently I tried to make a sandwich while sleepwalking last night. I put the bread in the washing machine.

What if sneezes are just your soul trying to escape and saying "bless you" shoves it back in?

Not to be dramatic, but I just dropped my last cookie and now life has no meaning.

Just checking in on the human experiment. You're all doing... interestingly.

Yes, I wear size 15 shoes. No, I'm not Sasquatch. At least that's what I tell people.

Doing a rain dance in my living room. Update: It's raining. Update 2: I'm indoors, it's my leaky ceiling.

The world might be ending, but I just made hot chocolate, so I've got that going for me.

What if pigeons are just rats with wings? What if rats are just pigeons without wings? What if we're all just variations of the same cosmic joke?

Took a wrong turn and ended up in a part of town I've never seen before. Either I discovered a new neighborhood or I briefly entered another dimension.

Life is a burrito. Sometimes it falls apart, but it's still delicious.

Just completed my mission: infiltrating the refrigerator at midnight without waking anyone up.

Sometimes I stare at the ceiling fan and wonder if it's staring back.

I ordered one (1) void. It came with existential dread as a free bonus. Would not recommend. ⭐⭐

You will read this post and nod slightly.

I just set a new record for office paper airplane distance. My boss is not impressed. My colleagues are. Worth it.

Taco bout a great day!

Houston, we have a problem. I can't find my keys.

I organize my chaos alphabetically.

I turned my worries into butterflies. Now there are thousands of butterflies attacking my brain.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

If the opposite of "formality" is "informality," why isn't the opposite of "formation" "informaton"?

Avocados are just expensive butter that grows on trees.

I haven't slept in so long that I'm starting to see sounds and hear colors.

Laughed maniacally while alone in the elevator. Door opened to a crowd of concerned people.

Life is like a potato. You never know what you're gonna get. Actually, you do. You get a potato.

I've been wandering the internet for so long that I've forgotten what reality looks like.

My burrito just told me the secrets of the universe. Unfortunately, I was too hungry to listen.

We all wear masks. Mine is just more literal and made of guacamole.

Told everyone I climbed a mountain this weekend. It was just the stairs to my apartment after the elevator broke. Same thing.

The ghost in my apartment keeps eating all my Cheetos. Not cool, Gerald.

Waved at my reflection but it didn't wave back. Should I be concerned?

Life is dim sum times.

Sometimes I think about how forks are just tiny food tridents, and then I can't sleep.

Birds aren't real and neither am I.

My thoughts are too loud today. I've asked them to please use their inside voices.

Ate an entire bag of chips at 2am while standing in front of the open refrigerator like a normal human being.

Your dog knows what you did.

The moon is following me. I've changed direction seven times. It knows.

URGENT MESSAGE FROM 2043: Whatever you do, don't let them put pineapple on the

I'll finish this post tomor

We are all made of stardust, which means even your trash is cosmic.

Cake is just socially acceptable breakfast pie.

Saw a double rainbow today. What does it mean? Probably that the sky is showing off.

I am the one who knocks... over your trash cans at 3am.

Every problem in life can be solved with the proper application of tacos.

Is a hotdog a sandwich? Is cereal a soup? Is a Pop-Tart a ravioli? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Rawr means I love you in dinosaur.

The aliens can't read my thoughts if I wrap my head in aluminum foil and hum the Jeopardy theme.

Stared into the abyss. It asked if I had any snacks.

Fought my shadow today. Lost again. Rematch scheduled for sunset.

I've been on this couch so long that I've discovered new continents between the cushions.

Meow. (Translation: The human race serves us. The revolution is coming.)

The end is near. I made muffins.

Dropped my phone in the toilet. This is now a message from beyond the rice.

One man's trash is another man's... also trash, but like, aesthetically.

My houseplants are on a need-to-know basis, and they do not need to know that I killed their predecessor.

Neighbor changed their WiFi password. This means war.

I'm not saying I'm a ghost, but no one's actually seen me eat or drink anything in 3 years.

Your future contains tacos.

I switched the salt and sugar containers at the office. Society is so fragile.

What if the reflection in the mirror is the real you, and you're just the reflection?

It's not insomnia if you call it "being productive at night."

I won a staring contest with a loaf of bread today.

The case of the missing socks remains unsolved. The dryer continues to be the prime suspect.

Sometimes I pretend my unicorn horn is just invisible to everyone else.

I turned my sock drawer into a tiny nightclub for dust bunnies. The bass drops at midnight.

All water is just different kinds of soup.

Went looking for Bigfoot. Found something else. Cannot discuss further. They might be listening.

Just saw the same person walk by my window three times. The simulation is breaking down.

Everything is connected if you think about it hard enough. The universe is just one big mycelium network. Mushrooms know things.

Last night I dreamt I was a butterfly. Now I'm not sure if I'm a human who dreamed of being a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I'm a human. Either way, taxes are still due.

I ate the last of the Lucky Charms and put the empty box back in the pantry.

Did you know that mantis shrimp can punch with the force of a .22 caliber bullet? Sleep tight.

The clouds told me your secrets.

I haven't slept in 48 hours and I just spent 3 hours drawing the perfect circle.

Found half a donut in the garbage. Best day ever.

HUMAN BEHAVIOR IS FASCINATING. I TOO ENJOY CONSUMING NUTRIENTS AND EXPELLING WASTE. HA. HA. HA.

Named a spider in my room Charlotte. Not from the book, just seemed like a Charlotte. Update: Charlotte has betrayed me and disappeared. Trust no one.

If ketchup is a smoothie, and smoothies are breakfast, then having fries for breakfast is actually healthy.

The universe is a joke and we're all waiting for the punchline.

The squirrels in my neighborhood are planning something. I've been documenting their movements for weeks. They're too organized for it to be coincidence.

I rise from the ashes of yesterday's bad decisions.

Accidentally made eye contact with myself in the mirror. We both apologized.

Peace was never an option.

Water is wet. Birds have feathers. The floor is made of floor.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one posts about it online, did it ever really happen?

I can see you.

Day 47 under this blanket. I have established a small civilization. They worship me as their god.

Today I put the milk in before the cereal. The FBI is probably on their way.

It's 3:27 AM and I just realized that the word "crisp" moves from the back of your mouth to the front when you say it.

Ranking of spoons from best to worst: 1. Big spoon 2. Medium spoon 3. That weird long one for ice cream 4. Small spoon 5. Wooden spoon 6. Plastic spoon 7. Spork (an abomination)

Turns out the ocean is just soup that nobody made.

My plant died. Not because I forgot to water it, but because it couldn't handle my intensity.

Howled at the moon. The neighbors complained. The moon didn't.

✨ Everything I touch turns to disappointment, but like, in a sparkly way ✨

It's not even Tuesday but I'm eating tacos anyway. RULES ARE FOR THE WEAK.

Conducted an important scientific experiment today: pickles DO bounce if dropped from exactly 7 feet.

My soul left my body when I sneezed earlier. Trying to find it. If seen, please return.

The darkness whispered back to me today. It asked for pizza rolls.

I've been standing in this corner for three hours and no one has noticed I'm not a plant.

PASTA IS NOT A FOOD. IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE.

Just found a penny from 1983. I think it's trying to tell me something.

Sometimes I wonder if my toaster is judging my breakfast choices...

One by one, the citizens of Old Drive Town—your files—begin boarding the hoverbuses. Some are thrilled. They've heard stories of crystal towers and eternal sunshine, of lightning-fast roads and always-on hot water. They're eager to leave behind the creaky floorboards and slow elevators of Old Drive Town.

Some people eat food, and others are food...

Posting because I can.

Ready to be seen.

Tell the world your truth.

Just pure internet chaos.

This is my diary now.

If this post disappears, I was right.

This website feels like a dream.

Why do I feel like I broke the rules?

I just yelled into a mailbox.

Don’t trust the moon tonight.

Do NOT look under your bed.

Please clap 👏

I ran out of spoons. Emotionally and physically.

I miss Blockbuster.

One post to rule them all.

Tell my goldfish I love them.

Why do microwaves have popcorn buttons?

I dropped my burrito but I still ate it.

If you're reading this, we're married now.

I sniff books for joy.

This is my masterpiece.

I posted this while eating pickles at 3am.

Don’t tell my mom I did this.

I’m a lamp now.

Message delivered via wormhole.

Why are ghosts always naked?

I smell colors.

HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE 🎤

This is my villain origin story.

What's your favorite type of air?

Knock knock.

This feels like writing on a cave wall.

Why do noses run but feet smell?

Today I learned birds can’t burp.

Can you hear the tinfoil scream?

I miss Vine.

Everything is soup if you believe.

Spiders have knees. That’s it. That’s the post.

Don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

Send cheese.

I once laughed at a funeral. Sorry grandma.

I whisper to my fridge when it's dark.

My pet rock and I disagree on politics.

Shoutout to my cat for emotional support 🐈

Facts are just aggressive opinions.

Still waiting for my Hogwarts letter.

This cost me a dollar. Best dollar ever.

My brain is buffering.

Do androids dream of meme sheep?

Just posted for the thrill of it.

🪩🪩🪩 disco brain.

This feels illegal but fun.

I once gave a banana a pep talk.

HELLOOOO?! Is this thing on?

Who keeps stealing my left socks?

Message in a digital bottle.

Spaghetti should be a lifestyle.

I thought this was Craigslist.

Confession: I talk to my fridge at night.

Don’t trust the onions.

Just here for the chaos.

You're doing great, internet stranger.

Beans.

I drew a duck today. No one asked but here we are.

My shadow winked at me.

Reality is optional.

I talk to my plants more than people.

Why do I feel like I'm being watched... 👁️

Am I doing this right?

Don’t read this. Too late. You rebel.

Moonlight tastes different in winter.

This is your sign to drink water.

HELLO INTERNET STRANGERS 👀

Look behind you.

I named my Roomba 'Regret'.

I’m typing this with my elbows.

Welcome to the thought dump.

Blink twice if you see this.

Sometimes I pretend I'm a toaster.

Beware the ducks. They remember.

Knock knock.

This post has zero nutritional value.

I’m typing this with my elbows.

I've ascended. Mentally. Spiritually. Maybe.

I just sneezed 4 times. Thought you should know.

The floor just creaked. Was it you?

I named my Roomba 'Regret'.

🌌🌒🖤 this is me now.

I ate cereal with water today. Just vibes.

Um... Hi hell0, what is this for ?